2004-05-22, 11:13 a.m.

This morning I should have slept in. Christopher was in bed, catching up on much needed sleep, and Leon had dropped off in his vibrating chair. But I was restless, and feeling a little emotionally confused. Not the "the world is ending and I can't handle anything" of sleep deprivation, but an uncertain, stare out the window and just let a bunch of stuff run through my head, confusion. Waiting for the emotions to come into some kind of order, to make some sense. I felt a little guilty because Christopher and I almost never get to sleep in together these days, without a small boy in bed between us. But I needed some time to figure out what I was feeling.

Turned out I'm trying to figure out who I am these days, within the context of being a mother, and a wife. So I worked on some sculpture for the first time since Leon was born, and did that meditative-creative thing that happens when I'm using my hands.

I'll let you know when I start to figure out where I'm heading, just me. Within the context of my new life.