2004-06-24, 3:45 p.m.

Leon should get paid for all the good work he does around here. But I should just get paid.

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It's been an emotional day. I just found myself getting weepy while watching a preview of a new Disney movie about tigers. Two Brothers, it's called, and I am so emotional that simply re-reading the movie synopsis just now (I had to find it again, in order to write the name here, 'cause I forgot what it was called) made me tear up again, and I got that sentimental lump in my chest that makes me want to hug Leon tight and call Christopher and tell him how much I love him.

I'd say it's hormones, but I'm breast feeding, and except for very briefly back in late April, I'm not getting my period these days. So maybe it's just life.

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The lovely woman at payroll (who said that no, she definitely didn't have a check, or a check stub, for me today - but more about that later) took one look at Leon this morning and said, "How can you bear to leave him and come back to work?" Before I could answer, she had suggested (maybe half joking) that I put him in a crib in my office, so that I wouldn't have to leave him. I was saved from having to answer (tell the truth? make something up? I'm terrible at fabrication...) by the fact that a few of my co-workers showed up at just that moment, and she had to help them.

The thing is, HR doesn't know Leon is here with me. There is nothing that says he can't be here with me, but we prefer not to take the chance that they might freak if they find out that he is here. Why might they freak?, you ask. Who knows, but they're HR, and it is their job to freak out about everything that's not specifically spelled out in the contract/handbook/manual etc. And since I'll be gone by the end of the summer anyway, all I have to do is stay below the HR radar, and they shouldn't notice anything to potentially get upset about.

And frankly, everyone at work LOVES Leon. The security guard says hello every morning. A few days ago I had to go to the mail room, and the manager forgot to listen to me because he was gazing at Leon. The Dissertation Assistant Lady comes by the visit several times a day and tells me how sweet he is. The clerk who puts labels on all the books is always suggesting that I leave Leon in the outer office (instead of keeping him with me) so all the clerks can hang out with him. The graduate assistants who work in interlibrary loan (all female) vie for the chance to come help me so that they can hang out in my office and be near Leon. The quiet and ultra-mellow systems librarian from Canada (with whom I usually discuss action movies and sci-fi books), brought Leon a stuffed moose in a Toronto Maple Leafs hat, from his trip home last weekend to renew his visa. And my incredibly sarcastic, relatively bitter, and generally snarky boss, simply LOVES Leon. M comes by my office several times a day, just to see him, cooing and talking baby talk. Leon likes M, too, and laughs and smiles and generally makes him happy.

Leon has brought laughter and smiles to the library (along with the baby vomit, dirty diapers and occasional wailing), and everyone seems to have a better day after a little Leon time. I even changed his diaper in the middle of a meeting today (after asking if anyone minded), and they thought it was cute!

Case in point: The public services librarian (responsible for the 1950's green naugahyde nursing-recliner in my office) just confessed that taking a photo of us (me working while Leon sleeps behind my desk) was the high point of her very bad day. Aw, shucks, we're just glad to help, ma'am.

I will tell Leon about all of this when he is older, and he will never believe me. But now I have the photos to prove it.

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So all sorts of people around here are in bad moods today, me included. As I alluded to all the way at the top of this, I was supposed to get paid today. Remember a few weeks ago when I wrote that the HR lady had been on vacation and didn't open her mail when she got back (or something like that) and so failed to remember that I was back at work and that she should put me back on pay roll, and that as a result I did not get paid last pay period? But it was supposed to be okay, because I was going to get paid today, including back pay. I had even double checked as to whether or not I needed to resubmit a voided check in order to reactivate the direct deposit - the HR lady said no, payroll would still have the info.

So this morning, before I left for work, I checked my bank balance on line, because I knew I needed to get a new metrocard. And there was no deposited paycheck - my balance actually read $2.67. I have been living off of the fumes of my maternity leave savings and money from Christopher for the past 3 weeks, and getting paid today was a key part of the 'keep alex from being broke' plan. Not to mention the whole reason I'm back at work at all.

So first thing I did when I got to work was check with payroll. Were they perhaps holding a check for me? No. A pay stub? Maybe the direct deposit just went through late? No. Not surprised, but still feeling panicky, I walked down the hall to HR and asked to speak with the lady who is in control of my life. But of course she was in a meeting. So I left an urgent note with the receptionist, and proceeded to down to my own office, to fret.

Luckily I fretted to my above mentioned cynical boss, who was thoroughly outraged on my behalf. When I hadn't heard anything by noon, he sent off a diplomatic yet icy inquiry via email, questioning why the hell I hadn't gotten paid. Fairly quickly I received an email from the head of HR, saying that she had just authorized an emergency salary advance. It turns out that I still won't receive even that until Monday, but at least it's coming.

If I didn't have Christopher to help me get through the weekend, I would have continued to panic, and probably raised holy hell about the fact that by Monday I will have worked 4 weeks without getting paid. But, since it's not a complete crisis, I'd rather spend my energy doing something else. Like writing this. And as it turns out, listing all the people here at work who adore Leon definitely made me feel better.